“Putting in the Work” — What It’s Really Looked Like for Me

People say it all the time: “I’ve been putting in the work” “I’ve been working on myself.”
It’s become a universal phrase, almost an aesthetic. But when I really sit with it, I realize how different it feels when you’re not just saying it… but actually living it. And most of the time, the real work is quiet, uncomfortable, unglamorous, and deeply personal.

This is what it has looked like for me.

Putting in the work has meant committing to therapy, like really committing.

For the past two and half years, therapy has been a non-negotiable part of my life.
I started out weekly when it felt like my life was on fire. Every week, talking about the same things until I felt like I didn’t have to talk about it anymore. Then my therapist told me we could go to every other week…. Some weeks were great, I felt like I was cruising through the trials and tribulations of life. Then I even had a moment where I thought, “Okay, I’m cured. I’m good. I got this.”

And then life humbled me. Big time.

I found myself right back in the chair, realizing I was far from “cured,” whatever that even means. But here’s the beautiful part: through that process, I also realized I actually do like myself. I like who I am becoming, and I love the direction my life is moving in.

Therapy didn’t just help me. It saved my life.
It saved my marriage and helped me be a calmer mom.
It gave me a space where I could cry, and not just little tears, but full body wailing when I needed to.
A space where I could reflect, be challenged, feel safe, and finally explore things I had never given myself permission to process.

That is work.

Putting in the work has meant letting go of people I never imagined losing.

Growth asks for sacrifices we don’t always expect. Even sacrifices we didn’t want.
There are people I thought would be in my life forever. People whose presence felt woven into my identity, and I had to release them to continue becoming who I’m meant to be.

It was painful and doesn’t mean I don’t still think about my decisions. But it was necessary.

Not everyone is meant to stay for every chapter.
And choosing myself meant honoring that truth.

Putting in the work has meant learning two small phrases that changed everything.

I learned how to say “no.”
And how to say “not right now.”

For someone like me — someone who has spent so much of life giving, pouring, showing up, and stretching — those were foreign words. But choosing my boundaries is choosing my peace. And choosing my peace is choosing my future.

Putting in the work has meant finally taking charge of my health.

For decades, I said, “Next year will be my year.”
I’ve said it so many times that it started to lose meaning.

But this time, I’ve meant it.

Taking charge of my health hasn’t been a dramatic overhaul. It’s been steady, intentional choices, honoring my body, listening to it, and refusing to abandon it. For the first time, I’m not waiting for “next year.” I’m doing it now.

For me this meant seeing a nutritionist to understand my eating habits and how to make meaningful change. Not just other fad diet where I restrict myself and then wonder why I am not succeeding because I “already know” that I will stop doing whatever diet it is in the moment.

Putting in the work has meant addressing the physical pain I normalized for years.

I finally admitted that pain is not something I have to live with.
I started physical therapy.
I let myself get help.
I let myself be a person with needs, not someone who pushes through everything on pure survival mode.

Healing my body is part of healing my life.

Putting in the work has meant realizing I’ve been doing more than I thought.

I’ve spent years listening to podcasts, reading articles, watching videos, and consuming every self-care and healing tip imaginable. What I didn’t realize was that I was actually applying them quietly, consistently, imperfectly.

I was doing the work even when I didn’t give myself credit for it.

So what does “putting in the work” really mean for me?

It means showing up for myself.
It means being honest with myself.
It means not running from the parts of my life that need attention.
It means healing, sometimes loudly and sometimes in silence.
It means choosing growth over comfort.
It means choosing myself….again and again.

And maybe more than anything, it means acknowledging that I’m still a work in progress… and still worthy of love, grace, and pride along the way.

I used to think putting in the work meant fixing myself.
Now I know it means finding myself.

It means trusting my body again.
Trusting my boundaries.
Trusting my voice.
Trusting that the woman I’m becoming deserves the life she’s building.

I’ve outgrown versions of myself that were born in pain.
I’ve said goodbye to people, habits, and expectations that once shaped my identity.
I’ve held myself through grief, joy, and deep transformation.

This isn’t the end of the work and far from it….it’s the beginning of a new way of living.
A way grounded in truth, alignment, and courage.

If this is what putting in the work looks like…
I’m proud of me.